Fair warning, this is not a happy post. And I'm pretty sure it'll be 75% incoherent because my brain appears to be broken. 

So yesterday I was gonna post a blog about makeup, but I was in a foul mood so I thought I'd do it today but it appears the mood is staying with me, and I don't want to do anything. Which is just fabulous. I thought about posting a 'How to Deal' type thing, but truth be told, I'm not dealing very well at all. Instead, I thought it might be a good idea to give you an insight into what a 'Down Day' feels like to someone with depression.

If you've been on this blog for a while (aka, I've harassed you on Facebook to read my stuff), then you'll know depression is something I've struggled with for a long time. I have gotten, after a few years practice, a decent handle on how to manage it. Okay, decent-ish. My Down Days are much more spread out than they used to be, but every once-in-a-while, a really bad one will sneak up on me and hit me like a frigging train. It's more of a struggle for me on a daily basis to see the good in myself, but on a Down Day it's impossible. The fact that I've even managed to type something is mindblowing to me, because days like this are impossible to do anything productive on. Like, this is taking a physical toll on me to type. My brain aches. To be clear, I am not asking for sympathy, nor do I want it. I am simply telling you what a day like this feels like, so if anyone you know suffers from depression, you'll understand how they feel. All cases, of course, are different, but hopefully this will help give an idea.

A Down Day for me, generally starts right away. I'll wake up and just feel  it in my bones that I am going to struggle. Getting out of bed is the first hurdle of the day. It feels nearly impossible, but I am a grown up and I can't bring myself to ring work and say; 'Yo, I can't come in, I feel really fucking sad'. So it's off to the bathroom to wash my face. By this stage, I am keenly aware of the black cloud looming, washing my face is exhausting. I can feel my limbs ache and my head pulse. But I carry on. I get ready for work: makeup, dress, pack my bag. The whole while I am aware of the pit in my heart and the dread in my stomach. I feel like I have physically forgotten how to smile. I feel the strangest mixture of intense sadness, but at the same time, I feel like I feel nothing at all. It is the weirdest combination. I spend the day swinging between wanting to cry, and not feeling anything at all. I get to work and the automatic smile comes to my face. This is something I've gotten very practiced at over time. Because I never want people to feel awkward or scare people off, I put on a smile. I convince myself that if I smile enough, I'll feel better. It rarely works, but I can hope. I talk to people, and laugh and joke, but I feel as if I'm watching someone else, because I sure as fuck am not laughing on the inside. My face hurts from smiling, I'm pretty sure it's because fake smiling is so much more effort. I feel bad for not being more involved but I can't bring myself to do anything more. Every time a customer comes in I feel the ache on my cheeks as I hitch the same stupid fake smile on. Working in retail, feeling like shit, is the worst possible combination. By 2pm, the exhaustion is taking a physical toll, my arms and legs feel like they might stop working any second, my back aches and my face hurts. I go for lunch and sit in a daze, mindlessly flicking through social media, instantly forgetting what I just looked at as soon as the screen swipes up. I am alone, and I don't have to fake smile. But at the same time, I am very aware that I am alone, and this is the great contradiction of a Down Day. I want to be alone, more than anything. But at the same time, I am absolutely terrified of being by myself, because it's when I'm by myself, with my head, that I am most aware of the black cloud. Lunch ends and I prepare myself to go back up, I feel the dread like a weight in my stomach, but as soon as I hit the door back onto the floor, the smile hitches it's way back onto my cheeks. 4pm hits and it's time to go home, and still, not once does a real smile make it onto my face. I couldn't tell you a single thing that happened today, but I do know I made it home. 

When I get home, I want to try and cheer myself up, but listening to music, or watching videos actually irritates me. And sitting in silence means I can hear the voice. So I'll take being irritated over the voice, but now I'm annoyed and sad. Depression is a terrible contradiction. 

Actually taking the time, to be able to type, is a huge step forward for me. At my worst, I lost all interest in anything. I couldn't do a damn thing. I would just lie there, in an exhausted daze, dreaming about all the things I wanted to do, but just couldn't bring myself to actually do. This is one of the worst part of my Down Days; I'll daydream about all the stuff I want to do, all the things I want to achieve, and after it's all said and done, there is this tiny, pervasive voice telling me to just give up. And you can ignore it for a while, but eventually that tiny voice becomes a roaring din and that's when the hope leaves. 

It's now 6:38 for me and I am beyond exhausted. I ache and my head and heart hurt and I don't know why. Nothing bad happened today or yesterday, but still this cloud reigns. And that is why this feeling is so difficult to deal with. I need a reason to feel like this, and I don't have one, and it's shit. I used to try all the self-help crap to make myself feel better, but the fact remains. Depression is an illness, and largely there is no rhyme or reason to why I feel this way, so making myself feel worse because I don't feel better is only going to make a shit day even shittier. On Down Days, the only thing that keeps me going, that keeps my head above water, is knowing that tomorrow the cloud might be smaller. Tomorrow could be better. 

I'll leave it there for tonight, because frankly, I feel like I've run a marathon. I hope this has help give at least, a small insight into what a Down Day feels like, or has given some element of support or something. If you have any questions, you can hit me up below, or on any of my social media. I hope you're all well. If you're having a Down Day, please don't give up. We can get through until tomorrow. Tomorrow might be better, and that's enough for me and I hope it's enough for you. I'll leave you with one of my absolute favourite quotes of all time, it's one I whip out to convince me to carry on to the next day:
Be happy and be kind,
Becca xo

Hi!

My sister was visiting us over the weekend, and it was lovely, but I am now VERY SLEEPY. So it'll be a quick one tonight. A good one, but a quick one. 

I remember when Makeup Academy makeup launched, the promise of great quality makeup for unbelievable prices was too much for me and I immediately bought everything I could. I am yet to grasp that just because makeup is cheap, doesn't mean I have to buy everything. I am forever spending the equivalent of an expensive item and lots of cheaper things. Please tell me I am not the only one that does this?!

Fortunately, the Baked Trio eyeshadows are fabulous and worth every penny. Even if that wasn't actually a lot of pennies to begin with. 

L to R; Smoke Screen, Chocolate Box, Innocence, Passion, Pink Sorbet

I have got all of the available shades and one (Passion) which appears to have now been discontinued. The palettes are mostly neutral colours, excluding Smoke Screen and Passion, the former is perfect for a dark smokey eye, whilst Passion is great for a pop of colour. My personal favourites are the 3 neutral palettes, which is unusual for me because I normally prefer something a little bolder. 

L to R; Chocolate Box, Innocence, Pink Sorbet

With flash

Natural Light

Hi! 

I said I'd be back, and here I am. PAT ON THE BACK. I mean, I'm late but I was having my heart TORN OUT AND STOMPED ON by The Originals (do you watch this?! Can we discuss?! Elijah!).

I'm tempted to make this the world's shortest blog entry and just say; yes, yes they are. Because they are, in fact, completely worth the hype and the money. Which, if you're trying to not buy them, doesn't really help you at all. Sorry!
I have gathered up a collection of 7 of these beautiful babies, and will very happily carry on collection them until I have them all. The pigmentation of these eyeliners is in-bloody-sane. I have never used a more creamy eyeliner in my life, so the payoff you get is unbelievable. The colour range you get is actually what draws me in the most. I love adding these to the waterline for a pop of colour, and because of the texture of the pigmentation, they last for absolutely ages in the waterline. The only thing I will say is, because of the creamy texture, I find it best to set underneath with an eyeshadow, just to make sure they don't smudge. 

Top to Bottom; Dime, Flipside, Honey, Deviant, Stag, Covet, Bourbon

L to R; Bourbon, Flipside, Stag, Deviant, Honey, Covet, Dime

These are my absolute favourite eyeliners, the only thing that stops me buying them all immediately is the price. These retail at £15.50 each, you can get them from here or here, if you're in the States. They are definitely a pricier item, but for the quality and the amount you get they are worth it in my mind. I've had most of mine for over 5 years and they're still going. If you don't fancy splashing out that much for an eyeliner, Essence's Long Lasting Eye Pencil has a great range of colours, which you can look at here. They aren't as pigmented, but for £1.50(!!), you can't go wrong. Rimmel Scandaleyes liners are also fabulously pigmented and can be found in any Boots or Superdrug, the only problem is finding the full range of colours. And the range of colours is really what sets aside these liners, Honey and Covet are two of the most beautiful liners I've ever seen! 

Alright, I'll leave it there for tonight! If you have any liner recommendations, leave them down below, or hit me up on Facebook, where you can give the page a 'like' to keep up (subtle as always), Twitter, or Instagram (which I am never off). I will chat to you later!

Be happy and be kind, 
Becca xo

HI!

Sorry for the late post, I was meant to pop up a film for Friday but I got distracted by sleep. I am a top grown-up. And then yesterday I went shopping and spent all the money I do not have. But we're here today and then there'll be a post tomorrow also. I am good. 

Onto the hit! I am a sucker for a lipstick. Lipstick and eyeshadow are my problem areas when it comes to my makeup addiction, I want them all. Some of my ultimate highstreet favourites are from the Rimmel London range, their Moisture Renew lipsticks are delightful, but my particular favourite has to be the Kate Moss range. 
The lipsticks in the black packaging are a creamy, satin finish, whilst the ones in the red packaging are a matte finish. Neither have any shimmer or frost at all, which makes me happy because I do not like a frosty lipstick, it reminds me of too many teenage mistakes. The matte colours are a little drier, but that sort of goes with the territory of a matte lipstick. They are still definitely the creamiest mattes I've ever used. 

L to R; 09,07,08,01,111,107

These are the babies that I have collected and love and adore. I don't have a lot of nude lip colours, purely because they don't suit my Caspar pale skin, but the 07 and 08 lipsticks are glorious. They are a nude, but with a lovely brown (07) and purple (08) undertone. The shades look a little more orange in the photo than they are in real life. For the reds, 09 is a lovely red with a beautiful purple undertone, whilst 01 is a more pure red. Shade 111 is a super orange-red matte colour that is crazy bright. My favourite though, is 107, an amazing dark purple-red. If you want a lipstick similar to Mac 'Rebel', without paying the Mac pricetag, I'd definitely recommend this one. 

If you're interested in the Kate Moss lipsticks, you can find them in any Boots or Superdrug.

Alright, I'll leave it there glorious people, I hope you're all well and having a lovely day. If you wanna chat, you can hit me up below, or find me on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, I would love to see you there. If you like my blog, you can always give my Facebook page a like to keep up with all my posts! 

Be happy and be kind,
Becca xo

Hi!

First things first, L'oreal need sort themselves out and stop giving their products the LONGEST NAMES OF ALL TIME. Apart from that, we're pretty good. 

I am so tired, so very, very sleepy. And I still have to wash my hair, and I have A LOT of hair. I mean that in a Rapunzel, it's hella long kinda way, not in a weird way. ANYWAY. I'm obviously delirious. Which I can tell because it just took me 6 attempts to spell 'delirious'. 

Let's chat about some primers, shall we?
I had heard A LOT about Benefit's Porefessional on account of I spend a lot of time on YouTube. It was this magical solution to cover up any pores and generally improve the appearance of your skin. So, obviously, I had to have it. Except I saw the price of it, cringed internally, and continued buying terrible primers, just because I didn't want to spend big money. I tried nearly every primer from the high street to no avail UNTIL I found the L'oreal Blur Cream, which is nowhere near as expensive. And I liked it a lot, but because I have no self-control, I still bought the Porefessional. But if you think about it, I was performing a good deed and doing research for this post, I just didn't know it yet. (That's what I'm telling myself, and you can't take that from me!)
Benefit's Porefessional retails for £24.50, which, to my poor bank account, is a hefty price tag for something that goes underneath the makeup you actually see. It is a creamy product and a little goes a long way. You're meant to only really use the product on areas with open pores and it's designed to, essentially, fill up the pore and make makeup appear more flawless. It has a skintone pigment to it so it blends in nicely but it is also quite fragranced, so if you don't like fragranced products on your face, that may be something to consider. It is a great product. I'm not sure what I can say for either in terms of stretching the longevity of my makeup because I pretty much bathe my face in setting spray. I would say, both aren't especially moisturising, so they aren't fabulous with dry skin, definitely moisturise before applying.
L'oreal's Blur Cream retails for £9.99, and is almost always available in some sort of deal in Boots or Superdrug, normally a 3 for 2 which is my downfall every time. It is incredibly similar to the Benefit product in texture and appearance. It is not as creamy as the former, so it comes out of the bottle in the weirdest way. I mean, that's not a downfall for the product, just something I notice every morning. The bottle is a good bit harder than the Benefit product so it makes the product a little harder to squeeze out. The L'oreal product is designed to be an all round skin perfecter. I can't say that it 'perfects' my skin at all, but it certainly fills in any pores. You do need a little more of this product than the Benefit one, but you actually get more product in the tube, 25mls versus the Benefit's 22ml serving. 

I'd say, if you don't wanna spend the monies on the Benefit primer, the L'oreal is damn close for less than half the price. If you have large pores, both do a fabulous job smoothing out the surface of the skin. Like I said, I bathe in setting spray so don't know if they improve the length of your foundation, but they do make it go on much more smoothly. Truthfully, I do prefer the Benefit one, I like the texture more and coz I like feeling fancy with my pretty products. So vain, I know. But the L'oreal is my everyday, go-to.

I'll leave it there for tonight! If you have any more dupes, or just wanna chat, you can find me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Or, as always, you can drop me a comment below. I hope you're all well and I'll chat to you on Friday!

Be happy and be kind,
Becca xo

HI! 

So I was meant to post on Friday, but due to my potential dying, I decided to take a health break, but I'm back! Anyway, excuse the incredibly trite, self-helpy title. Basically, this post is gonna start out not-so cheerful, but hopefully by the end you'll be feeling SUPER CHEERFUL. At least, that's the aim.

I've mentioned before about my struggle with depression here and here, and if you wanna read those first, have at it, I'll wait here.
After I was diagnosed, my Doctor put me on some anti-depressants, which worked in a sense. I didn't feel depressed necessarily, but I didn't actually feel anything in general. I felt like I was floating in a weird haze of confusion and befuddlement, and then they stopped working for me altogether. After that I went to talk to someone, and talking to someone and actively trying to make the difference to my mental health changed everything for me. The woman I saw encouraged me to make a plan to try and change how I thought about myself and the world around me. SO, having said all that here are my tips for being happier! Please keep in mind, I am not a psychiatrist, a trained professional, or someone who really knows what they are talking about at all, but I am someone who knows how it feels to be really fucking sad, so hopefully I can help you if you're feeling sad.

Here goes!

Surround yourself with good people.
Alright, this seems like a fairly obvious one, but it goes beyond just surrounding yourself with good people, it also means cutting out the bad. Which sounds cold, but when it comes to your happiness, do what you need to do. I am surrounded by the best family, friends and fiancé that I could ask for and I am incredibly lucky to have them and their support. Not everyone is as lucky. If there are people around you who second guess you at every turn, who make you feel inferior in every way, talk to them and tell them how you feel. If that fails, cut that out of your life. It's hard, but at the end of the day, your health has to come first.

Be Grateful.
This is one I struggled with. I'd forever look at myself and hate bloody everything. I'd look at the people who loved me and think it wasn't enough, that I wan't enough. And, yeah, I was acting like a massive tool. So be grateful for what you have, take a moment to be thankful everyday, and tell the people around you how much you love them.


Remember the Good Stuff.
This, again, seems fairly obvious (as will most of these) but putting them into practice can be incredibly difficult. I used to finish up a day, and have everything be fantastic except for one tiny thing, and that one thing was enough to knock me sideways. I would only concentrate on that one thing and forget all the good stuff. My mum, after I was diagnosed and the tablets weren't working, encouraged me to write down 3 good things every single day, just to remind myself that there is good in every day. Take a moment at the end of everyday to list at least 3 good things that happened. It'll be hard at the start, but it'll make you feel better actively looking for the good in the day.

Be Positive.
This links up nicely to the one above. I used to start the day dreading it and just waiting for something to go wrong, which meant inevitably, something would go tits up because I was almost willing it to, just to justify my feelings. Instead of waking up and thinking everything is going to go to shit, I try to wake up and think of something positive for the day, even if it's just one thing. If you approach things with a positive attitude, it makes the day a little easier to go by. And it generally makes you a better person to chill with! 
Do what makes you happy.
I wasted a lot of time doing things I didn't like, like a degree that I kind of loathed, because I thought that's what I had to do. Wasting my time doing that meant I couldn't do the stuff I loved, like writing, photography, talking to my friends and family. So, don't get distracted by the stuff that you don't want to do, set aside some time everyday to do the stuff you love. Listen to the music you love, dance like a maniac, watch films that make you laugh and cry and laugh with your friends and family until you think your head might explode.

Don't compare yourself.
I'll admit, this is one I'm still battling with. I'll see my family and friends around me succeeding and doing so well, and I'm so proud of them, but there's always a little part of me that thinks 'why can't that be me?'. If you ever find yourself doing this STOP IT NOW. I am yelling at me as much as I am yelling at you! What I've tried to train myself to do everytime I find myself comparing my life to someone else's, is remembering all the fabulous things I have going for me. My life might not be exactly like someone else's, but that isn't to say that my life isn't wonderful in it's own way!

Find the Good in Yourself.
This, for me, is still the hardest one. I can find good in anything and everyone if I try hard enough, but finding the good in myself is much harder, or accepting that other people see good in me. My Mum used to make me say one good thing about myself everyday and it was a bloody struggle. Which, I guess, is part of the reason my depression got so bad; if you can't find any good in yourself, how can you tell if something's gone bad? To me, everything was bad. So I've tried to change how I react to any compliments or nice things people say. Instead of outright rejecting it and running away, arms flailing, I say 'Thanks!', which sounds super easy, but was, and is, very difficult for me! So, if you're struggling to find happiness in yourself, pay yourself a compliment instead of running yourself down. You'll be amazed the difference it can make. You might not believe yourself the first time you do it, I know I didn't, but the more you do it, the more you'll believe that you are AWESOME. 

Talk to Someone.
If you are feeling sad and alone, the best thing in the world you can do for yourself is to talk to someone. If it were acceptable, I would run through the streets begging people to talk to each other about how they feel! Holding your feelings in just makes it worse, it makes you miserable and secretive and you convince yourself no-one will listen. That is not true! As soon as I told my big sister how I felt, it was as if a great bloody weight had been lifted and I could breathe, because now someone knew how I felt. Talking through things with people makes it so much easier to face your feelings, because at least then you aren't alone.
                                  
These are all things I've trained myself to do over time, it's taken me a long time, and there have been many setbacks on the way, but for the first time in a long time, I am happy in myself and who I am. I'm not a professional by any stretch, but I do know what it's like to feel like you'll never be happy so I hope these tips helped in some small way. If you are feeling sad or depressed, please talk to someone, or see your Doctor or contact Mind, who are a Mental Health Charity that can give you the info and help you need.

Alright, I'll leave it there for tonight! I hope you're all well. Don't forget, you can find me on Facebook at Becca Button or Twitter here OR my Instagram here! All the links! I'll chat to you on Wednesday.

Be happy and be kind,
Becca xo

HI!

It'll be a picture heavy post and a quick one today on account of I feel like actual death warmed up and then stamped on, chewed up, spat out and then flushed down the toilet. I look as sexy as that sounds. Ergh.

Something that IS sexy though (smooth segway) is the Lorac Pro Palette 2. If you watch YouTube at all (YouTube 4 lyf) then you'll be familiar with the ridiculously beautiful Lorac Palettes. They are every beauty guru's favourite, and now I have one! And I am VERY HAPPY about it. I even did a dance!

Onto the Palette!
LOOK AT IT! It's so beautiful! Like, super fricking beautiful. The palette itself is made up of 16 cool-toned eyeshadows, the top row is made up of matte shades and the bottom is all the shimma shimma shades. And they are all so, so lovely!

Flash

No flash

The matte shades are all incredibly pigmented, especially the Plum and Navy colours, which were actually near impossible to remove. But in a good way! The only problem shade for me is Buff, the palest matte shade. I think it's designed to be a browbone highlight, but because I am apparently ghostly pale, it's actually a little too yellow for me. It's still a beautiful shade, just not a great highlight for pale folk. The swatches are all one swipe, so you can see how intense the colour payoff is, the only one not quite as dark is the black, which could do with being a little darker. The shadows are all buttery and beautiful and super easy to blend. And I am very happy to have a palette that understands that mattes are just as beautiful as the shimmers! 

Flash

No flash

The shimmer shades are INSANELY gorgeous and again, super buttery and easy to blend. Unlike the first Lorac Pro Palette, which is a lovely warm-toned palette (that WILL be mine) the shimmer shades in this all lean towards the cool end of the spectrum. Honestly,I adore all of these shades, but a personal favourite has to be Rosé, which is a lovely rose gold, and Chrome, which has the most beautiful gold/silver sheen. They really need to be seen to understand how gorgeous they are! 

Now comes the only downside to people not in the U.S. This palette isn't actually available worldwide. 'Why would you review a palette I can't buy?!' I hear you cry, waving pitchforks, but fear not! You can get this palette on www.amazon.com, which dispatches the palettes from Lorac and Lorac is marked as the seller so you know you are getting the genuine product. OR, you can go to www.nordstrom.com, who also sell Lorac palettes and other goodies. I will say, worldwide shipping and customs work out a good bit cheaper with Amazon, so if you do want the palette but nothing else, I'd probably advise going for it here. The customs and shipping is all included in the price which comes to £40 roughly. The palette itself retails for $42, so it's not an awful price in the long run to get the palette shipped from America. What I'm saying is, you should TOTALLY BUY THIS. 

Alright, I'll leave it there for tonight and return to my rightful place on the sofa to watch terrible films and make myself feel better. If you have any palette recommendations, leave them down below or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook. I'd love to see you there!

Be nice and be kind,
Becca xo

HI!

I am having a bad day. I am severely ill. Deathly ill. This may be the last time you ever hear from me. Let's make it a good one!

I have been buying liquid liner since I was 13, and that was largely because I saw somebody else wearing it and it looked awesome on them. Thus began the journey to master the liquid liner, a journey that continues till this day, and no doubt will continue until I am 75 and refusing to acknowledge that my eyes are too wrinkly for a winged liner. My first liquid liner was the Collection Fast Stroke, which, if memory serves me right, was £1.99? Ah the hours I lost desperately trying to get that bad boy to go on my eyes in something slightly resembling a straight-ish line. Good times! I have branched out (slightly) since them, so let's run through my current favourite liquid liners! 

Top to bottom: NYC High Definition Liner, Soap and Glory Supercat, Collection Extreme 24 Hour Liner and Illamasqua Precision Ink.

So, obvious disclaimer here. Obviously I have not been lucky enough to try all the liquid liners (a girl can dream!), these are just my personal favourites from those that I have used. If you have any suggestions, definitely leave them down below for me!